On Good Friday, March 25th, at 6:20 PM after a very long battle with Alzheimer's, I said good bye to the very best person I have ever known, my dear mom. Last year during Holy Week, mom moved the amazing Memory Care unit at the nursing home. For several months she thrived there. Late last fall she became sick and never really got fully well again. She continued to loose weight and become very frail. On March 2nd, she started care under hospice right at the nursing home in her own bed in her own room. It was a rough few weeks and during Holy Week, on Good Friday, I kissed her goodbye as she took her very last breath here on earth. And while I am broken hearted and missing her so very much, I am also rejoicing that she now she is free from the grips of this horrible disease.
At the memorial service I read an updated version of the tribute I wrote to her on this blog in 2008. I have included it below.
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"A mother holds her children's
hands for a moment, but their hearts forever". That is one of my favorite
quotes. And I think it could be said in reverse too - don't you? I know I will
hold my mom in my heart forever. I am one of the really lucky ones in this
world. I had such an amazing mom! She was one of my best friends and I would
not be the strong confident woman I am if it weren't for her. Actually I might
not be a wife and mom it weren't for her fixing me up with the cute college guy
that worked at the drugstore where she was a bookkeeper. We will celebrate 41
years of marriage in June so suffice to say ~ MOM KNOWS BEST!
Everything mom did, she did
well and with love in her heart. It started right at the beginning with the
Christening gown with the teeniest buttons, snaps and bows, little jacket,
slip, bonnet and felt shoes she made for me when I was baptized. She made
Easter dresses, winter coats with matching hand muffs, back to school clothes
and even learned how to sew her own lined pinch pleat draperies and slipcovers
for the furniture. When the six of us traveled cross country in a station wagon
pulling a pop up tent trailer that we opened each night and closed each morning
for six weeks - YES SIX WEEKS - my mom and sister and I had matching clothes.
She was a saint to take four kids on a trip like that!!! And there was the year
she sewed dozens of Barbie and Ken doll outfits and all the little accessories
that went with them for me for Christmas. Have you ever seen how teeny those
arm holes are? Every Christmas was special in our house with her handmade
decorations like her famous pine cone wreath and handmade Christmas stockings.
She also painted and I have a
still life portrait in my kitchen and portraits of each our two kids she did
when they were young. Several family members are the lucky recipients of the
quilts she made - including the ones she made for Jay's crib and Jen's bed.
When there was a bake sale at
school, no plain old brownies for my mom. She made dozens of whoopie pies~ the
best ones you have ever tasted. At Christmas time she made cookies that were
works of art and so many different kinds too. In the summer she would make
pickles and relishes and jams and jellies from the fruits and veggies in season
or the ones she grew in her own backyard. We ate a lot of watermelon so she
could pickle the rind. Made with clove and cinnamon, they were sweet and crisp.
When we had lamb, we had homemade mint jelly to go with it, horseradish sauce
with roast beef and cranberry relish with our turkey. I cannot think of
anything my mom couldn't and didn't do. True story she actually went to the old
Girl's Trade School at night and learned every trade they offered. They finally
said "Beverly
She helped with Girl Scouts
and was a Den Mother for Cub Scouts too. She made every occasion special. She
made panoramic sugar eggs with little scenes inside for Easter and she blew out
the inside of real eggs and decorated the delicate shells for an Easter Tree. There
were never any store bought Halloween costumes ~ we all had unique hand made
ones. She decorated sneakers and t-shirts for the 4th of July for
the grand kids.
And every birthday, our cakes
could have graced the cover of Woman's Day or Good Housekeeping. We had dolls
and trains and rockets ships. Easter meant a Bunny Cake and there was a flag
one on the Fourth of July with fresh berries. She did that before it was in
style. And I can't forget her
trademark meat stuffing for the turkey at Thanksgiving and the special
Lithuanian dish we have only at Christmas, Easter and Thanksgiving called
Potato Kugelis.
She didn't stop when we grew
up. She made my wedding dress, her Mother of the Bride dress, the flower girl's
dress and decorated all the garden hats we wore. She would have made the cake
too if someone didn't stop her! My first Christmas as a married woman, I got
ornaments made from some of the leftover wedding dress lace. They still hold a
place of honor on my tree every year.
When she and dad lived on Cape Cod , she would make cassette tapes for my kids. She
would read holiday stories and played songs on the piano and she and my dad and
grandmother sang along. For us big kids, growing up, listening to mom play and
sing along to her piano music was second nature. It was truly epic when she no
longer remembered how to play. After moving to the nursing home, I tried
numerous times to get her to sit at the piano there. Only once in 4 years did
she agree and thankfully she did remember a few notes. But music continued to
bring her joy for most of her days there. She knew all the words to every song
at every musical event, and there were many of them! She couldn’t sit and carry
on a conversation so my way of spending time with her several days a week was
to take her for long rides. I made CD’s of songs familiar to her and she sat
back, crossed her legs and sang along to the music for as long as I would
drive. So I drove – sometimes 2 and 3 hours all over Massachusetts
When the kids got old enough,
mom would do crafts and cook with them. She would take Jason to the movies I
didn't want to see and she would paint Jen's nails and toes. When they moved to
the Cape , she made sure to build extra
bedrooms downstairs and an outside shower and bought them their own sand toys
and beach chairs so her kids and grandkids would want to go and stay there. She took them to the Herring Run
and the Cape Cod Potato Chip factory and every other fun thing she could find.
When they were older, she would drive back here for Jen's dance recitals and
Jay's football games. That's just the kind of Mamma she was.
When mom and dad started to
need help at home, I also was watching our granddaughter a few days a week so
often Lili would go with me to see my folks. By then, Mom was well into her
struggle with Alzheimer’s so while I helped Dad with the bills or other chores,
I would set up Mom and Lili at the table with the playdoh and cookie cutters.
She could still share her love of creating with her great grand daughter. It
was perfect!
While some of that is a
recounting of what my mom did with my family, I know my sister and brother have
their own stories of time with our mom. And I can’t forget that she took in her
own mother for the last years of her life and of course she took on many extra
duties when our dad’s hips and legs failed him.
Not only did she make sure we
were loved and cared for, fed well, dressed well, educated, safe and secure,
but she also worked overtime to make sure there was as much joy and magic in
our lives as she could. As I said, I am one of the lucky ones in this world. I
got to be her very blessed daughter.
And even though she deserves
to rest, I have no doubt that up in heaven she helped serve the best Easter dinner
with one of her fancy cakes and Potato Kugelis and has already started planning
the best parties complete with piano music and lots of singing and dancing. RIP
MOM!! I love you, a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck!! "
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I have heard that God only takes home the very best on Good Friday and I believe that to be true! Now I start a new chapter in life as I learn to live without my precious mom. It's time to give back to the people that treated my mom as a member of t heir own family and I have started the ball rolling to start volunteering starting in May, on the very Memory Care Unit where mom spent the last year of her life. The staff are so very caring and loving and the residents have captured my heart as well. I am looking forward to spending some time with them each week.
You can now find me at my public Facebook page ~ https://www.facebook.com/BehindMyRedDoor/
Thanks so much for stopping by! Warm hugs, Linda
