Behind My Red Door

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Heartache and life changes…

It is with great sadness and heartache that I tell you that we lost my dad in the wee hours of the morning on Saturday, July 7th. I still can’t believe I am saying those words. A few short weeks ago, my dad finally decided that it was time to move to a nursing home. I had finally found one that could take them together at the same time and in the same room. And when he decided it was time, he wanted it done NOW. I was somewhat surprised that he never wavered once as he had many times before when my sister and mother cried and got very upset,  but now I know why. I now know my dad knew it was time.  He knew he was failing.
At his request, I moved them on June 25th and the first few days went well. My mom needed lots of reassurance that she could come and go still and that there were activities and life outside her little room with my dad, and of course there were some adjustments needed to the bathroom to accommodate my dad, but they were settling in.
With the help of my sister, I got very busy starting the clean out of their home, and on my own, I met with their lawyer and started the mounds and mounds of paperwork needed to qualify them for Medicaid, set up a trust and get the house ready for the market etc.
Then things changed rapidly and my dad got very sick and after x-rays and blood work and labs, we knew he was gravely ill. The staff went into Hospice like mode at my request and I called the family to come to be with him, and within 2 days my wonderful loving caring dad was gone home to the Lord. The staff kept him medicated and out of pain and peaceful and that is such a comfort to me. He died very peacefully. The accommodations they made for my family went above and beyond. They have been amazing.  
My dad's service on Tuesday was the perfect tribute to him! Father Tim captured his essence perfectly. My brother Allan described what a wonderful selfless hardworking family man he was, and my son spoke from his heart of the life lessons he learned from my dad. The Army playing taps and presenting my mom with the flag was so moving. Our family dinner afterwards was a wonderful way to end the day. All in all I could not have scripted a more perfect way to honor my dad! ♥
Now it is time to get back to life, have some Lili time, help my mom cope with this overwhelming loss, and get back to the mounds of paperwork, deal with life insurance, transfer of assets and all the new paperwork that comes with the death of a loved one who happened to be a veteran and retired Federal employee. I still need to have that estate sale so we can sell the house and continue on as I promised my dad. My last words to him were that I would take care of mom and that he didn’t have to worry about her, and I intend to honor those words.
I had so many other things planned for my last blog post, but none of them seem important right now. I will mention though that I had planned to show you the bed my honey and I finally got, like this one from the the Boyz at Circa Home Living – one of my all time favorite online shops!  You can find them on FB
Noel and Verge pick the best quality reproductions to sell in their catalog. I have always been thrilled with everything I have ordered from them and this is no exception. The picture above is from their website – of their own bed in their home. Isn’t it wonderful??!!  I don’t own a period home and I suspect my room is smaller so it looks quite different in my home but isn’t that art of the fun of decorating? Being inspired by what we see in other homes and then making our own home personal to us?
Of course a new bed meant some tweaking and changes but I still don’t have all the linens I ordered so you will have to check my Picture Trail in the future for those pictures – when I get my Nikon back from the repair shop that is! That’s another cause for the delay of picture taking.
In the midst of this heart ache and the admittedly overwhelming details I still have to attend to in a very short amount of time, we have some many wonderful things to look forward to! Knowing how difficult this summer would and will be for me, Mr. Red Door suggested a wonderful venue for Jen’s bridal shower in August in a wonderful restaurant overlooking the golf course  where he spends every weekend morning.  They will attend to most of the details except the fun things like the games and invitiations. I’ll get the help of her bridal party for those details.
Then of course comes the October wedding! Plans are coming along nicely for that as well! We just know it will be sunny cool day and we are all eagerly anticipating the early evening wedding and reception!
And I have decided to make another big change and this will be my last blog post. Blogging just takes too much time away from other things I want and need to do. I had decided this long before my folks moved or my dad got sick, but the events of the past few weeks only confirmed this is right for me now. My blog will go on hiatus and instead I will post updates on Face Book as time permits. It’s quicker and easier to update that way, and so many friends and bloggers have gone in that direction too.  You can find my public FB page by clicking on the big blue F logo up there on the right. That is the FB page I have set up specifically for all the wonderful folks who have followed me here or found my Picture Trail or through the magazine. YOU DO NOT have to be a FB member to see that page!! Because it is a fan page, you don’t have to request friendship, instead all you have to do is stop by and visit!! I am not accepting friendship requests under my personal name as I need to keep that to my family and very close friends. Just look for me on the fan page please. I will miss all the wonderful bloggers and followers I have met here but I hope you will join me there instead!!
Rest in Peace Dad!! I love you and miss you more than words can say!! I know you are now dancing in heaven with Bobbie and Katie, and taking Brady on long walks, without and pain or crutches or walkers. We’ll take good care of Mommy until she too joins you in heaven so you dance together again…
Love, your grateful daughter Linda